


I hate you, please don't leave me

by Morrigan Woolf (pointspotdot)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 05:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5773621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pointspotdot/pseuds/Morrigan%20Woolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa doesn't give up on Clarke, and Clarke can only do the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate you, please don't leave me

**Author's Note:**

> It's also the first time I'm posting something to this fandom, although I've been reading everything I can get my hands on for months. Feel free to reach me on tumblr, just look for pointspotdot, that would be me.
> 
> Very loosely based on "I hate you, don't leave me" by Demi Lovato.
> 
> I don't own anything at all.

Clarke arrived at the cave, two rabbits on a string to see Lexa starting a fire. 

“I hate you.” She had been greeting the older woman like that for a week. First they fought, although Lexa never laid a hand on her, even as she kicked and punched at her. She just took it, not allowing Clarke to hurt Lexa or herself. Then came the silence. The grounder would come, Clarke would ignore her. Lexa would get a fire going, lay down some food and then just stayed for a while, either watching Clarke or taking care of her weapons and horse. This had gone on for weeks until Clarke couldn't stand the silence anymore. She tried leaving several times, but Lexa always found her, so she just returned to her cave near a stream. 

Lexa looked up at the sound of the blonde's voice. “You're getting better at moving silently.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes and started skinning the rabbits. “What do you want Heda?”

Lexa sighed and leaned against a tree watching the blonde working on the meat. She was just tired of the game. She saw the hands stop their work and felt the Sky Princess’ eyes on her. She didn't look up. “My name is Lexa.”

Clarke kept her eyes on the girl's face. It was obvious she didn't mean her no harm, if she did, Clarke knew she would've been dead weeks ago. There was something there, underneath the stoic mask Lexa wore that she couldn't figure out. And she didn't want to. She hated her, right? 

The green eyed woman betrayed her, her people. Turned her back on her at Mount Weather. As a leader she understood the reasoning. Her people would always come first, just like Clarke risked everything to get the 47 back. The Triku leader choose the hundreds over those 47. She accepted it. She had made her peace with that.

But she couldn't forgive Lexa, could she? The kiss they shared made her feel things she had never felt before. It promised so much, and to see Lexa turn her back on her, it had broken her. Clarke could've loved Lexa, but now Clarke hated her. 

“What do you want from me Heda?”

Lexa knew why Clarke would only call her Heda. But her heart broke a bit more every time she heard her title come out of the Sky Princess lips. She could still remember how those lips felt against her own. “Taking care of my people is part of being Heda.”

Clarke rolled her eyes again, they had this conversation every time. “I'm not part of your people. You broke our alliance when you turned your back on me at the mountain.”

Lexa sighed and turned back to the fire. “Yes, I made that decision with my head, not my heart. And I would do it again, Clarke.” Clarke was about to answer, both were well aware of how this dance worked, but instead she just sighed and dropped the meat into a pot with some vegetables, ignoring what the other woman said.

Lexa watched Clarke. She knew she was in and out of her head, coming to check on Clarke. But she couldn’t let her go. Love was weakness, that’s what she believed ever since Costia. But she was addicted to this girl, this blue-eyed girl that fell from the sky and changed everything just because she wanted things to be different. She should’ve destroyed her, the sky people were invading her land. 

But the truth was that Lexa was terrified of this woman. The Sky Princess had been the only one in many seasons that had looked at her and seen Lexa, not just Heda. No one had bothered with Lexa since Costia, they didn’t even see Lexa, they just saw Heda. And most just wanted something from her. She had had other lovers, but just for a night, or to fulfill a need. But Clarke had awoken the part of her that wanted to live, not just survive.

Clarke felt Lexa’s eyes on her, and she had to admit that she missed her when she was gone. Sometimes, late at night when she was laying in the furs Lexa had brought to sleep in all those months ago, she would relive that kiss, and all the promises it made. All the promises Lexa had broken when she turned away. She shook her head. No, that hadn’t been Lexa, that had been Heda.

She just couldn’t take the pain again. She hated Heda, but if she was truthful, she didn’t want Lexa to leave her. She wanted Heda to let her go just as much as she wanted Lexa do hold her and make the world go away. Ever since landing on the planet she felt like she was fighting and struggling, and losing. Losing Wells and Charlotte, then Finn, and then killing everyone on Mt. Weather. It was just too much. 

They had been sitting quietly for a while when Clarke heard a soft sob. She looked over to see the Commander silently crying, staring at the fire. Her pain written all over her face. Suddenly it all made sense to Clarke. Whenever Lexa would come meet her, she wasn’t seeing Heda, the Commander of the Coalition. She was seeing Lexa, the girl not much older than herself. The girl who had been forced to kill the closest thing she had to a father, who was the leader of tribes of warriors who would kill everyone she loved if she showed any signs of weakness. Turning her back at Mt. Weather had broken Lexa’s heart just as much as it had broken Clarke’s. And Clarke couldn’t deny that she needed Lexa too.

Clarke sighed and sat next to Lexa, wrapping one arm around her shoulders. The movement startled Lexa and she jumped back. “Don’t touch me.”

Clarke looked at her, surprise written all over her face. She was about to go back to what she was doing when Lexa pulled her close and hugged her. “I’m sorry, please hold me.” The blonde gingerly wrapped her arms around the brunette, afraid she would refuse her again.

The brunette whispered softly “They forget me, don’t see me, when they love me, they leave me.”

Clarke held her a little tighter. She knew exactly what she was talking about. “Sometimes I feel like I hate you so much that I can’t breathe. One moment I want you to stay, the other I want to kill you. I’m in pieces, but I can’t be whole without you. I’m confused and scared and terrified of you.”

Lexa pulled back slightly, looking into Clarke’s eyes. “I’ve been here before, and I’m scared, I can’t take another fall out.” She searched the blue eyes for some sign, but Clarke wasn’t giving anything away. She sighed and tried to move away, but this time the blonde stopped her, one hand on her cheek pulling her eyes back to her.

“I hate you, please don’t leave me.”

Lexa could feel the tears falling from her eyes again as she smiled and nodded. Maybe there was hope yet.


End file.
